Third Party Politics

“Should I use an egg donor?” is the debate for women dealing with rotten eggs. Approximately a 47 quadrillion threads on PVED and other donor egg forums address some version of this question, and the rhythm of the comments goes something like this:

Concerned poster: Will it be the same?
Super sweet poster: Yes, it’s exactly the same. I never think about it.
Well-adjusted poster: I have both own-egg and donor-egg babies, and I always forget which is which.
Social worker poster: What does your husband say? Could you talk to friends or family?
Therapized poster: Maybe you should see professional. My shrink helped me so much.
Defensive poster: My kid is my kid. Period.

Pretty much all the comments you’ll read on DE forums will be comforting and reassuring because (duh), you’re asking parents of DE babies. And even though third-party reproduction would be the worst possible choice for some people, no one on those forums is going to say, “Horrible option. Don’t do it. If you’re having doubts, trust your gut. Go childfree.”

But childfree is what infertiles want to google to find out what life would be like after deciding against raising kids that aren’t genetically related. And it’s well-worth the search (for childfree blogs, in particular), because you aren’t going to find that range of perspectives on PVED. Folks who’ve decided against DE have long since left those forums and are now writing about travel, learning Portuguese, or their new careers.

I mention all this now because I’m coming up on a year of raising my donor egg baby (what?), so I’m doing an emotional inventory (post to follow), and in reflecting on the path that got me here, it strikes me that I could have just as easily taken a different route, and my musings might have looked more like these:

We’re {Not} Having a Baby
Childfree Me
Real Life & Thereafter
No Kidding in NZ
The Not Mom
Childfree Corner
Life without Baby
Those are the ones I think are most worth checking out, but there’s also any of these other accounts on The Stirrup Queens’ list of childfree blogs.

And then there are the bloggers who are going through the DE question now. If you’re interested in infertility blogs, then you already know that every woman who’s cried into her box of tampons is blogging about infertility, but The Empress and the Fool is the only one I follow. She stands out to me because she’s honest (understatement), because she’s a true writer (severe understatement), and because there’s something about her that reminds of me of me — or of who I might have been if I’d been a true writer.

She’s still very much blowing in the wind with all this stuff (grief, hope, life), so who knows where she’ll end up, but one of her recent posts is as true as any ramble you’ll find weighing the donor egg option. So if you’re curious to read one woman’s reasons why she doesn’t plan to use an egg donor, check her out — although you should know that she’s now (as of January 2015) pregnant with an OE baby, so click at your own risk.

The Empress and the Fool: The Epiphany, No Histerionics

About TG

My eggs don't work, so I manifested a baby via egg donation. Let's blog and see what happens.
This entry was posted in Donor Egg Parenting, My Head, Parenting, PVED and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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